Midterms & Chronic Illness

I just wrote the following blog post (yes we blog in my digital history class) to my classmates:

If this was my actual blog, I would be a big cheerleader and tell everyone how wonderful they did. So I’m going to a little off the book here and tell everyone how wonderful they did. I thought each of the projects were unique and exciting. I thought each of the projects showed that there are distinct interests and personalities in our classroom, and that excites me. I think there were so many interesting takes on how we were meant to interpret our assignment here. I think group work has its place alongside individual work, when done correctly, and I think these proposals were examples of how it can be done well. Literally all of them were something I was interested in in some way, shape, or form (especially the Korean War- because my grandfather fought there, and I happened to read it first).

As for the individual proposals, again, I want to be a cheerleader here. I get to spend the rest of my week telling students what they need to work on. As everyone has such different interests, I think it is so cool to see the different interpretations of this project assignment and I am so excited to see what everyone comes up with at the end of the semester. As we’ve been talking this semester about different ways to use digital media to enhance your work or spread it to wider audiences, I thought it was really neat to see different ways that everyone in class wanted to go about forming their idea, researching their topic, and creating their product. Although let me not lie, you all may me feel a little inadequate that my idea was not as well formed as yours were. So keep doing awesome.

Here is what I wanted to actually write, considered sending it to my thesis advisor/professor of the class/head of the department (he wears all the hats and survives- you go, Shapiro, go), then realized it doesn’t make a different:

If this was my actual blog, I would be honest here. One of the biggest consistencies I push on my blog is vulnerability. So that’s where I’m going to go this week. Reading everyone’s project proposals I don’t feel like I’m anywhere close to what everyone else has prepared. On my blog, I’ve been honest about my struggles with my health issues, and the last week has been the most difficult, as I had some serious tests done, and I’m waiting for the results to come back- it could be nothing, but it could be something. It also has made me question what I want to do with my life if it is “something.” I’ve wanted my masters for years. And some of you in this classroom are busting your ass for it. I want to be at that level. But I don’t really know what to do to get there. And I’m struggling to juggle all the stuff I do have on my plate. So this is me sharing. This is me saying yall kicked this assignment’s butt, and I am so proud of you, and telling Nick thanks for helping me when my first draft contribution to ours wasn’t up to par. If this was one of my students in my situation, I would tell them to ask for help from their colleagues and from me, so here I am; how do you do it?

I don’t want to be the whiny person. I don’t want to quit. But I am also overwhelmed. I don’t know how to finish this one strong. I don’t know how to do ALL the things. Venting here. 


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