“If you want me, earn me”

“If you want me, earn me”- Olivia Pope

Olivia looks at Fitz and says that if he wants her, he has to earn her. Yes, I’m back on Scandal. This comment is part of a longer rant that goes a little like this I am not a toy you can play with when you’re bored, or lonely… I am not the girl a guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me. Until then, we are done.”

So, some of you are going to think this is dramatic. Some of you are going to think this is old fashioned. Some of you may think that a man should not have to prove himself to a woman, or a woman should not have to prove herself to a man. But you should prove yourself and your love to your significant other.

Relationships require work. Relationships require work from both sides. Relationships deserve the effort. To some extent it should be easy, no relationship should be forced. But a relationship does require and deserve attention, effort, work from both parties.

If you don’t think you need to put effort into your relationship, I hope that your significant other realizes quickly that they deserve better. I hope they flee as quickly as possible because they deserve better and shouldn’t waste their time and emotions. They deserve someone who is willing to give the time to make the relationship the best it can be.

Every person, and therefore every relationship, has different needs to feel wanted, valued, and be happy. Here’s how to earn me:

When you know something bothers me, don’t do it. Don’t ever food shame me, let me eat what I want, when I want….along with this keep me stocked up on ice cream at your place. Bring me coffee, and know my coffee order. Let me pay for dates occasionally. Go to church with me. Pray with me. Tell me how I can pray for you and ask how you can pray for me. Tell me how beautiful I look, and know I hate being called cute. Support my endeavors (work, grad school, community service, pageants). Ask me how my day was. Tell me about your day. Volunteer with me. Let me sleep in. Go to the doctor with me, because all of this health stuff is really stressful and scary. Pick what we’re eating for dinner, because I make decisions all week, and sometimes I just want to be told what the decision is. Cuddle with me. Give me the space to finish a book every week, it fuels my spirit. Know that I really enjoy cleaning when I feel up to it, and let me clean without telling me to not worry about it. Laugh at my jokes, I think I’m really funny, but maybe also tell me if it isn’t funny. Know how to make tacos, tacos are life. Don’t lie to me. Don’t have an attitude with me if I have done nothing wrong. Don’t have double standards. Don’t tear me down. Speak life to me. Don’t underestimate me, but congratulate me and celebrate with me when I do something well. Understand that date nights are really nice, but I am also super content with laying in bed binge watching Netflix. Go on adventures with me, traveling makes me happy. Let me build you up. Let me do things for you. Let me laugh at your jokes, but also tell you if it was an awful joke. Be honest with me, did I already say this? Take me around your family and friends and make me feel included, I promise my family and friends will love you and open their arms wide to include you. Know that I will talk to you like you are my best friend, because you will be. Understand that I also will talk to my best friend B at all hours of the day, because she’s my girl, and she has my back, so if you mess with me you have earned a place on her bad side. Love my kids, ask me about them, let me brag about the great things they do. Talk to me, about the good, the bad, the mundane. Don’t ever call me names, it’s not cute. Talk to me about our future. Love you like you don’t want to lose me. 

Give your best to your relationship. If you want them, earn them. If you earn them, keep earning them every day.

Liv Pope is one of my alternate TV personalities, and this is one of the things that she says that resonates the deepest with me. If you give the time, attention, and effort, I promise I’ll be the best thing you ever had. But if you want me, earn me.

earn me

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